Chosun Ilbo | [Kim Hyun Jung’s Picture Radio (12)] The Wish to Set Aside Being Accommodating and Become More Self-Directed
Artist Kim Hyun Jung introduced her work 'Naesoong: Kim, the Dictator on the Judge's Stand' in her Chosun Ilbo column 'Kim Hyun Jung's Picture Radio.' Resolving not to be shaken by others' gazes and to become stricter with herself, she conveyed a message of self-resolve: 'I decided to become a dictator, at least toward myself.'
View full text
Is there really anyone who lives without being influenced by others' gazes?
As we live, we meet many people and form relationships with them. And everyone wants to be recognized by the other person as good, as someone impressive. But because each of us has our own unique personality and history, we can't live entirely in a way that pleases everyone else's heart. Even so, we — or at least I — sometimes indulge in the desire to become exactly that kind of person. And that excessive desire causes a great deal of confusion about the identity I'm supposed to hold onto in life.
There were many times I stood bewildered before the question, "Who am I, really?"
But at some point, I wanted to change this version of myself, so easily shaken by others. I disliked how I seemed to drift like a stranger, never settling into a firm sense of self, and often felt that this made me unstable. To regain confidence, I decided to become a dictator — toward myself, and toward my paintings.
The word "dictator" seems, at a glance, to carry only negative meaning. But shouldn't one be a "dictator," at least toward oneself? It's important, in living, to move forward steadfastly with the conviction that you are the master of your own life. In the past, I had a weak side that wavered under the influence of those around me, but now I stand with confidence. Time spent painting has helped a great deal in getting here. Being human too, I do worry: will viewers like my paintings? But strangely enough, paintings that emerged from that kind of worry got a far weaker response than paintings that came purely "from me." Do viewers sense the difference between a painting with sincerity and one without, somehow? Since then, I've kept warning myself to be honest, at least in my own paintings. I have become my own inner judge.
Judging others is easy. But being strict with yourself is no ordinary task. Just as important as not being swayed by others' words is not deceiving yourself. In this sense, <The Dictator on the Judge's Stand> carries the message that I am the master of my own life, while also speaking to the viewer. I hope that those who see my paintings, too, will become the masters of their own lives.